You know, I always sit here thinking about how shitty my life is; I haven’t written anything that thought provoking as of late. So, I’m going to write something to give you a better idea of who I am, what I stand for.
Oddly enough, I’m a very spiritual person, I believe in the teaching of the Buddha, and I believe that I was born under the full moon and Venus for a reason. Love. Love rushes though my veins, and for some odd reason people always come to me for love advice. Even though I give them pretty shit answers; they always come back. I can always tell when someone is in love with someone, or how someone feels about someone else. Though, I’m finding one thing out as of recent. Where is the love? Simply put, what has happen to our society that we now must as a last resource look towards the internet for love. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I myself has searched trough the personals just so I can laugh my fat Mexican ass off at all the losers who say I’m really a nice guy. Well of course you’re a nice guy, because if you weren’t chances are you’d probably have a boyfriend or girlfriend already. It doesn’t seem to work out between the good and the bad ones. And so, instead of letting fate lead the way to love, we must go out in search of. Have we all become so desperate for love? My parents didn’t have the internet back in 1976, nor did my grandparents, nor did their grandparents. Why did they seem to find their soul mate with out the aid of a computer? Our world is now more then ever becoming a digital existence. And at the cost of what? Our humanity? Is it so hard to go outside, and walk around looking for a potential lover, mistress, ect.? Look at pretty woman, Richard Gear found love in a prostitute. Love is everywhere. Even in sleazy hookers who don’t want to be kissed on the lips.
I’m a strong firm believer that I don’t have to waste ten-eighty percent of my life searching for the perfect match online. Because, I know that by some divine force I’ll be found. True happiness comes from knowing that someone generally truly loves you. Loves you so much that they’d be giving up their life for you; do something incredibly stupid. As in taking that first step to admitting their true feelings in their heart, on the street, with out having swapped information over a cold-heartless computer screen. Thinking that this is too good to be true and growing affections over a period of time. There is this story about a man, a man who found a book with this perfect delicate handwriting written in the index or some space on the book; he was obsessed with this handwriting. Over a period of time he found out where the woman lived, and wrote her a letter and to his surprise she wrote him back. He was called to war, and over a period of months/years the sailor and the woman got to know each other. He asked for a photograph so he could see what she looked like but she replied that if he truly loved her looks didn’t matter. After he was done serving his country the man and the women were finally going to meet. He asked what you will be wearing; she said you’ll know it’s me when you see a rose in my lapel. When he got to wherever they were supposed to meet, he saw this gorgeous woman in a green dress who had immaculate eyes, with soft cheery red lips, everything a guy would want in a woman, but to his discontent she had no red-rose in her lapel. Behind the lady in the green dress was a fat stump of a woman in her forties to fifties, with thick ankles a fat nose and a disgruntled look on her face. And to his sorrow she was wearing a red-rose in his lapel. As this woman in a green dress passed him by she said to him “going my way sailor?” His heart was torn in two places, this one lady with thick ankles was someone who he felt he gotten to know and love over the months. But this other lady in a green dress was what he thought to be his perfect match. But being a true gentleman he proceeded to the woman with the thick ankles and said, you must be Ms. So-n-so, pleased to meet you. The lady with the thick ankles said I don’t know who you’re talking to son, but the lady in the green dress said that if you were to approach me that she’ll be waiting at this location for you. Needless to say they met and ended up being wed.
That was one of the best stories I’ve heard, and sadly I have no idea what it’s called. Nor do I remember the details. I’ll try to get more information next time I’m talking with my teacher. It’s sad that no one has that merit anymore. It’s sad that we can’t all find the one who is willing to sacrifice their own ideas of what beauty is just for the sake of true love. I know it’s really a lame idea. I know it’s sailor-moon-esque. But for me it’s the truth.
I still don’t understand why so many people feel the need to go out and scour the internet for love. Looking though cities, states, continents across the globe looking for love. It’s amazing to me that people don’t really take the time to just walk around their local mall for goodness sake, just trying to find someone who may actually have the same mutual feeling as they do. I don’t believe that you have to search for love, that it’d just happen. I know the above story doesn’t really demonstrate that, but, look at it from the woman’s point of view. Yes, I do admit that this man had to do a search for a woman, but that shows he was dedicated on one person. But it depends on your appetite for love. If you feel that you have to have love in your life then go out and fight the good fight. But for goodness sake, you’re getting on one of the worst places to find love. The internet is full of lies, and hate. How can you trust what is in someone’s heart though a device that emits a few watts of light? How can you see this persons expression when they look deep into your eyes and hold you tight. You can’t. Love isn’t something that is to be forced, it’s something that should accidentally happen. I for one believe that people put too much emphasis on being and feeling loved. Though, I think many of us are forgetting what Dorothy had learned in the Wizard of Oz. Love is right in your backyard and you don’t have to fly across into a different galaxy to find it. (yes, many people may go wait she found out where home is [home is where the heart is, and Dorothy did learn a lot if you just analyze the movie])
I’m one of the largest advocates for love. I believe in love more then anyone else you’ll ever meet. I believe that someday something incredible will happen for me that will take my breath away and leave me that way for the rest of my life. I know in my heart that I don’t have to go out onto yahoos! Personals and look up someone to love me because I’m only twenty years old. My life isn’t over. I feel sorry for those who go online and go looking for things that should be looking for them. I truly honestly feel sorry for them because I feel that they have given up hope with in themselves. They’ve given up the hope that something great will happen to them. They have lost the ability to dream about things they feel are impossible.
Truly, this is going to piss off a lot and feel free to take me off you LJ friends list because of this but I believe those who go onto web-personals are those who have the worst self-esteem issues. People say that muscle body builders are the weakest on the inside. I believe it is those who feel there is nothing else they can do in the love department so they have to go out and actively seek out love. They’ve given up on their selves. Someone said that maybe these people aren’t as active or social as other. To be 100% honest, I’m not a social person, I hate talking to people. Most of the people at my job have given up trying to befriend me because I’m one tough cookie to befriend. I don’t like many people. It’s hard for me to make friends because I think I’m better than everyone else. I’m one of the most top anti-social people in the world when it comes to reality. But I’ve yet to give up on myself that I feel the need to be weak and give up on believing that someday it will happen to me.
But maybe it’s because I’m content with my life; maybe it’s because I don’t feel like I need love. But if I did need love at one point, I’d actively search for in; not on the internet though, I’d search for it in real life. An accident mishap at the library, gym, or a museum. I think that if I wanted to fall in love I’d never think of using the internet as a tool for love. Because, you can talk to a person online for weeks, months years; how would you know that they aren’t talking to four other people. How do you know what they truly feel. Because of a survey they’ve filled out on eHarmony.com? I doubt that is what is real.
Personally, I always will believe in love, I will always believe in myself. I’m sick of seeing people all around me giving up at the thought of love. I’m sick of people going on the internet and jacking off to what someone says about how much they are in love with him/her. How do you know it’s true because you watched each other on cam? I don’t know but casual meetings offline don’t cut it for me. I want to know that, that love is real. That the love I feel is mutual I want to be able to hold my lover in my hands the next day and look into his/her eyes and know that forever is there. I don’t believe love can be found on the internet at all. Because there is always going to be an alternative motive behind everything. Do you think for one moment that a super hot guy/girl IMed you out of the blue to see how nice of a day you were having? I doubt it. Our world is saturated with sex, and drugs. I highly-doubt that if you do find love it’s true genuine love.
But, I guess I’m an old-fashioned type of person. I was raised by a mother and father, and I was taught by their life.
You know when my mother first met my father she thought he was the ugliest man who ever walked this earth. My dad won over my moms heart thirty some odd years later they are still in love. Do you think for one moment that he feel in love with her because she liked the same bands, and the brief bio she wrote was a perfect match for him? I doubt it; how can you sit there and say that you’ve found love at the end of the day when you don’t even know the persons real name. Full real name, birth date, favorite color, dreams and hopes? You really because in an average, normal conversation online it’s all about, sex and picture trading.
If that is your vision of real love then by all means.
But whatever it’s your life not mine. I hope that in everyone’s ventures in life they do find that person who makes their heart beat faster and takes their breath away. I know sometimes when I think about Nate my heart beats faster and I can breathe anymore. By the way, have you ever heard any songs written about Mshoplips10923 recently? Think about it. Are you really that desperate? Have you really given up all hope on yourself? I know I haven’t. I will never give up in dreaming that it will happen for me. I think that we all just need to drink some vitamin milk-shakes and become stronger.
I think that’s what a lot of people lack. Is the strength to believe in themselves. Especially people over the internet, most of the people I meet online are queer boys who aren’t strong enough. They all play the chase and don’t ever go after what they want for fear of rejection. A lot of them portray the bad-boy, who can do anything or whatever they want. But that is their online alter-ego. They only pretend to be something else online, but when it comes to real life they are just as scared as a cockroach. Running from the light just like everyone else. Honestly, when it comes down to it I’m running scared like everyone else (though when it comes to speaking my mind IRL like cussing out bosses or anything else to that nature believe me I have. I’m not afraid to speak my mind) but when it comes to love at this point I’m as scared as a newborn kitten. I don’t let myself go as much as I’d like to but that’s because my future depends on it (if you knew what kind of family I come from and what’s at stake then you’d realize why I choose not to). But that my reason, that’s why I stray away from love right now because I have people who if they were to find out about my life I’d fear for my life. Honestly. If I came from any other family I wouldn’t care, I’d be living my happy little life with a smile on my face. But I can’t.
So that’s why I write all this out. Everyone has the chance and opportunity to love who and what they want. Don’t let anything stop you (unless of course you are kind of in the same situation that I’m in). I want everyone to realize that they are good enough to have what they want. And that they are strong enough to get what they want.
[to be continued]